While You Wait – Redeem the Time
By Rachel Lawry 8/29/13 (written at the request of Lifeline Adoption Services for publication)
Psalm 27:14 “Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!”
Waiting for the Lord is one of the toughest things in the world. Waiting for governments, for approval, for documents, for a referral -- all of these can feel like some of the toughest parts of the adoption process, too. The longing for what will come often steals the joy of the “right now” moments. Some days the ache in your heart of wanting your child in your arms, in your home, tucked safely in the bed you have ready for him, (and not just in your heart) can throb and weigh you down like a thousand tons, making it difficult to focus on anything else.
We brought our two teens home last summer, over a year ago, and we had a relatively short waiting period, compared to many. We met our daughter in December of 2011, and by May of 2012 we were stepping foot in Ukraine, a strange and unknown world to us at the time, beginning our in-country adoption process that would culminate in bringing our son and daughter home on July 4th, 2012. The five months from December to May were spent rushing through a home study, compiling our documents, making arrangements for our younger biological children, and fundraising a pile of money we suddenly needed and didn’t have. There was barely any time for “waiting,” as those five months were incredibly busy and overwhelming.
But waiting is a wonderfully painful and growing time. As we learn to wait on the Lord and His perfect timing, He teaches us that He knows best, that we are wholly dependent on Him, and that we are in control of very little, actually. It is a time to learn to fully trust Him with our actions and not just our words, and it is a time when He can develop those delicious and difficult fruit of the Spirit – you know, the painful ones like patience, peace, and self-control. Fruit takes time to ripen and reach maturity – and waiting on the Lord is just the recipe for incubating that necessary fruit in our lives.
So what does waiting look like? Is it a passive, do-nothing kind of season in our lives? Or is it a time of learning to rest and prepare for what is coming? My challenge to all you pre-adoptive parents (and grandparents) out there is to not waste your waiting. Redeem the time. Adoption can rock a family’s world and strain a marriage quicker than any other major life-stressor, and preparation is key. Maybe it’s because adoption is so on-purpose. Adoption doesn’t happen to you – like cancer, losing a job, or having a spouse leave you. You choose adoption – and after the fact you may wonder, “What have I done? Have I ruined my life? Is my family doomed? Is this a terrible mistake we have made?” Use the time of waiting to prepare yourselves for the spiritual battle of your life.
So what can you do?
Educate yourself. Your home study social worker has a wealth of knowledge that is a gold mine you have just struck. Do not skim over the things she is warning you about, thinking, “That won’t happen to me. My kid won’t be like that.” Be open and teachable. The hard places our kids have come from have shaped not only their worldview, the things they believe are true, their ability to trust someone or attach to a new family, but it has affected their brain chemistry, their wiring, how they process information, how they learn. Attend the seminars, read the books, listen to the webinars. Learn as much about attachment, bonding, and adoption-related issues that you can. Talk to other adoptive families. Take notes. Bring your notebook when you travel, and refer to it often. There is so much to learn, and keep learning. You don’t want to wait to do this after you bring your kids home.
Fortify your marriage. In our 17 years of marriage, we had never been tested as we were during and after our adoption in the realm of our marriage. And we had been through some tough times in years past – infertility, miscarriages, financial strain, challenges in our jobs, several moves. But bringing our children home and trying to agree on how to handle the myriad of issues and challenges, coupled with a lack of time set aside for just us, was a recipe for disaster. Soon our problems and children came between us like a wedge, driving us further and further apart, and we forgot how to communicate (nicely), how to handle conflict (plenty of that after an adoption), how to have fun together. Thanks to intense counseling, intercessory prayer and the help of our sweet Savior, our marriage has been restored to an even stronger and healthier place than in years past. So please, learn from our mistakes. Take the time of waiting to strengthen your marriage. Spend time together. Have a night of the week to get on the same page and enjoy each other. Communicate. Learn to actively listen. Laugh and pray together. Have the mindset that it is you and your spouse against the world. And don’t quit any of these once your kids come home – because more than anything they need parents who are in love and one in heart and mind.
Gather support. You have heard it was said, “It takes a village to raise a child.” I think this is even truer in the case of adoption. Surround yourself with your church family, your extended family, your friends, and let them know how they can pray for you and help. Do not feel that it is a weakness to ask for help, either. Meals, babysitting for an afternoon or evening, or even taking your kids overnight for a respite for you and your spouse – all of these are invaluable. While not everyone is called to adopt, everyone is called to obey James 1:27, “…to visit orphans and widows in their distress…” That may look like helping you or your family in some tangible way.
Waiting on the Lord is a wonderful time to grow in His grace and strength. Redeem the time you are waiting for your child to prepare yourselves for the adventure, joy, and challenge of a lifetime. It is worth the wait!
By Rachel Lawry 8/29/13 (written at the request of Lifeline Adoption Services for publication)
Psalm 27:14 “Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!”
Waiting for the Lord is one of the toughest things in the world. Waiting for governments, for approval, for documents, for a referral -- all of these can feel like some of the toughest parts of the adoption process, too. The longing for what will come often steals the joy of the “right now” moments. Some days the ache in your heart of wanting your child in your arms, in your home, tucked safely in the bed you have ready for him, (and not just in your heart) can throb and weigh you down like a thousand tons, making it difficult to focus on anything else.
We brought our two teens home last summer, over a year ago, and we had a relatively short waiting period, compared to many. We met our daughter in December of 2011, and by May of 2012 we were stepping foot in Ukraine, a strange and unknown world to us at the time, beginning our in-country adoption process that would culminate in bringing our son and daughter home on July 4th, 2012. The five months from December to May were spent rushing through a home study, compiling our documents, making arrangements for our younger biological children, and fundraising a pile of money we suddenly needed and didn’t have. There was barely any time for “waiting,” as those five months were incredibly busy and overwhelming.
But waiting is a wonderfully painful and growing time. As we learn to wait on the Lord and His perfect timing, He teaches us that He knows best, that we are wholly dependent on Him, and that we are in control of very little, actually. It is a time to learn to fully trust Him with our actions and not just our words, and it is a time when He can develop those delicious and difficult fruit of the Spirit – you know, the painful ones like patience, peace, and self-control. Fruit takes time to ripen and reach maturity – and waiting on the Lord is just the recipe for incubating that necessary fruit in our lives.
So what does waiting look like? Is it a passive, do-nothing kind of season in our lives? Or is it a time of learning to rest and prepare for what is coming? My challenge to all you pre-adoptive parents (and grandparents) out there is to not waste your waiting. Redeem the time. Adoption can rock a family’s world and strain a marriage quicker than any other major life-stressor, and preparation is key. Maybe it’s because adoption is so on-purpose. Adoption doesn’t happen to you – like cancer, losing a job, or having a spouse leave you. You choose adoption – and after the fact you may wonder, “What have I done? Have I ruined my life? Is my family doomed? Is this a terrible mistake we have made?” Use the time of waiting to prepare yourselves for the spiritual battle of your life.
So what can you do?
Educate yourself. Your home study social worker has a wealth of knowledge that is a gold mine you have just struck. Do not skim over the things she is warning you about, thinking, “That won’t happen to me. My kid won’t be like that.” Be open and teachable. The hard places our kids have come from have shaped not only their worldview, the things they believe are true, their ability to trust someone or attach to a new family, but it has affected their brain chemistry, their wiring, how they process information, how they learn. Attend the seminars, read the books, listen to the webinars. Learn as much about attachment, bonding, and adoption-related issues that you can. Talk to other adoptive families. Take notes. Bring your notebook when you travel, and refer to it often. There is so much to learn, and keep learning. You don’t want to wait to do this after you bring your kids home.
Fortify your marriage. In our 17 years of marriage, we had never been tested as we were during and after our adoption in the realm of our marriage. And we had been through some tough times in years past – infertility, miscarriages, financial strain, challenges in our jobs, several moves. But bringing our children home and trying to agree on how to handle the myriad of issues and challenges, coupled with a lack of time set aside for just us, was a recipe for disaster. Soon our problems and children came between us like a wedge, driving us further and further apart, and we forgot how to communicate (nicely), how to handle conflict (plenty of that after an adoption), how to have fun together. Thanks to intense counseling, intercessory prayer and the help of our sweet Savior, our marriage has been restored to an even stronger and healthier place than in years past. So please, learn from our mistakes. Take the time of waiting to strengthen your marriage. Spend time together. Have a night of the week to get on the same page and enjoy each other. Communicate. Learn to actively listen. Laugh and pray together. Have the mindset that it is you and your spouse against the world. And don’t quit any of these once your kids come home – because more than anything they need parents who are in love and one in heart and mind.
Gather support. You have heard it was said, “It takes a village to raise a child.” I think this is even truer in the case of adoption. Surround yourself with your church family, your extended family, your friends, and let them know how they can pray for you and help. Do not feel that it is a weakness to ask for help, either. Meals, babysitting for an afternoon or evening, or even taking your kids overnight for a respite for you and your spouse – all of these are invaluable. While not everyone is called to adopt, everyone is called to obey James 1:27, “…to visit orphans and widows in their distress…” That may look like helping you or your family in some tangible way.
Waiting on the Lord is a wonderful time to grow in His grace and strength. Redeem the time you are waiting for your child to prepare yourselves for the adventure, joy, and challenge of a lifetime. It is worth the wait!